Holly
by Flareon14
Summary: When someone great is gone, it's hard to just move on from them, even if they're somebody you never got the chance to meet. Hollytuft deals with her clanmates' views of her and her striking resemblance to her deceased aunt. (One-shot. Repost from my ao3. T for language. Ignore the character tags, half of the relevant characters here aren't even options.)


Hollytuft had been dreaming of birds when she was awoken by a paw on her shoulder, shaking her gently to rouse her from her slumber. The black cat stirred with a groan, tail flicking in her nest as she twisted her head to glance at the cat standing over her. She could make out Rosepetal through blurred vision as she tried to blink the sleep out of her eyes.

"Um, Hollytuft." the dark cream molly addressed her in a gentle tone, so as not to wake more sleeping warriors than she had to. "It's your turn for the early hunting patrol. We're taking our apprentices with us, remember? Flippaw and Bristlepaw are raring to go." Rosepetal shot a glance back over her shoulder, towards the entrance to the den, then back at Hollytuft.

Hollytuft reluctantly obliged, groaning bitterly as she stretched and slowly climbed to her paws. She followed Rosepetal as they carefully stepped over their sleeping clanmates as they made their way out of the den.

"You know, I hear they don't even do morning patrols over in Riverclan," Hollytuft grumbled as soon as they were out in the open. "They just piss everyone off too much, so nobody bothers."

"Wouldn't put it past them." Rosepetal replied with a short laugh that turned into a yawn. "Sadly, we need the prey, I don't think leafbare is going to be kind to us. At least it gets you up early?"

"How in Starclan's name is that a positive?" Hollytuft retorted. "The second I'm back, I'm gonna collapse back into my nest until somebody needs me again. I was on dawn patrol yesterday- can Squirrelflight seriously not find enough cats to fill up patrols? This clan is so big that there's cats here I've never even spoken to before."

The morning was a bitter cold, signalling the start of the transition into leaf-bare. The air was crisp, and the earth was hard with frost that glinted in the morning light. Flippaw and Bristlepaw were waiting at the camp entrance, rapidly pacing back and forth, seemingly unhindered by the chilly weather and the early start. Rosepetal barked at them in a stern tone as she strode towards the apprentices. "Hey, slow down! I have no idea where you two get that kind of energy." Flippaw ignored her, but his ears shot up at the sight of his mentor, and he darted past Rosepetal to get to her.

"Hollytuft! Hi! Can we go now? Bristlepaw says that she saw some big icicles hanging from the branches near Windclan the other day and I really wanna see if they're still there! It feels like I've been waiting in camp for _moons_."

Rosepetal raised an eyebrow. "I woke you up, like, five minutes ago."

"Well that's why I said it _feels_ like moons. It's not actually _been_ moons. That's stupid." Bristlepaw was nodding quietly as Flippaw babbled, though her tail tip was twitching excitedly, betraying any cool facade she was trying to put on.

"Are we off, then?" Hollytuft suggested, her voice still gruff with tiredness.

"We're OFF!" Bristlepaw cheered, snapping out of silence as she darted over the bracken. Flippaw yelped as he scrambled after his sister, paws skidding on the frosty earth. Rosepetal called after them to not go too far ahead, and to be careful not to scare prey, but she made no attempt to chase after the younger cats. Hollytuft pricked her ears and twitched her nose, waiting to pick up on a scent trail.

As they walked, Hollytuft was aware that Rosepetal was watching her rather intently. It was a little discomforting, so eventually she decided to break into conversation. "Uh, you've had a lot of apprentices now, right?"

Rosepetal blinked and shook her head, as though yanked out of a daydream. "What? Oh yeah, quite a few. Flippaw is your first, right? Bristlepaw is like my fifth or sixth now."

Hollytuft gave a low whistle. "You must be a good damn mentor for Bramblestar to just throw apprentice after apprentice at you."

Rosepetal laughed, somewhat flattered. "Thank you! It's kind of weird sometimes- I mentored Fernsong, and now I'm mentoring his daughter as well."

Hollytuft snorted. "I _grew up_ with Fernsong and now I'm mentoring his son."

"Flippaw is a ball of energy." Rosepetal commented. "Most apprentices are- you and your littermates were relatively pretty laid back, if I remember correctly, but I've seen some real wild ones. Normally they've calmed down quite a bit before it's time to assess them, so you won't need to worry about it for long."

"Right," responded Hollytuft. There was a few minutes of silence after that, as the cats continued along through the forest, eventually reaching a stretch where the foliage was sparser. Hollytuft leaned backward and spoke in a lowered voice. "I scent a rabbit up there- I'm going to see if I can get it before it crosses into Windclan."

Rosepetal's eyes widened. "Good luck," she whispered back, sidestepping away and starting along another trail to leave her clanmate some space. Creeping low to the ground, Hollytuft was careful to stay downwind of where she believed the rabbit was. She scaled the small ledge with relative ease, catching sight of the rabbit. It was somewhat concealed behind some long grass, sniffing around a half-frozen puddle. There was a good distance from the Windclan border- so long as they hadn't been sneaking their markers forwards again, Hollytuft reckoned it was a safe pursuit to make.

She burst from her cover, giving chase with a start, and the rabbit ran off in the direction she'd predicted- not a beeline for the border, but veering towards it as it ran down the opposite side of the slope. The rabbit was fast, obviously, but Hollytuft had caught it off guard and with a few swift bounds she was able to trap the smaller animal beneath her paws and reach down for a killing bite.

As the rabbit stopped struggling beneath her claws, she became aware of a dark shape on the moor as a windclan cat came sprinting down towards her from the opposite side of the border. For a split second, Hollytuft stiffened with fear, but relaxed when she realised she was still standing a few fox-lengths from the markers, safe in her own territory. If this cat was going to start a dispute, they had no ground to base it on.

She bushed up her fur and watched silently as the cat halted and stared at her from across the border. The Windclan warrior was a tom, significantly older than Hollytuft, tall and grey with a long muzzle. What was surprising to her, though, was the expression that sparked across the cat's face- a recognition that quickly turned into horror as his eyes widened.

"Can I help you?" Hollytuft asked, looking him up and down. She tapped the rabbit with her paw and hurriedly added, "My side of the border, by the way. Thunderclan prey."

The tom didn't even glance at the rabbit, however, as he continued to stare at Hollytuft, the pupils in his blue eyes narrowing to slits as he stumbled backwards.

"You're dead," he spat, shaking his head in disbelief. "You're dead."

Hollytuft's confusion steadily evaporated as she realised that this was not a threat, but a statement. She knew what he was talking about. She knew who he thought she was. And she knew who he was, as well- it clicked in her mind that she must be speaking to Crowfeather. Windclan's deputy. Her biological grandfather. She'd never properly met him at a Gathering, but she _knew,_ because the look of hollow shock in his eyes could not belong to any random Windclan cat. This cat thought he was staring into the face of his dead illegitimate daughter.

Hollytuft's legs trembled slightly. This feeling was something she could never really get used to. It was normally something she experienced with her own clanmates. She kept Crowfeather's gaze, and she spoke in a gentle voice, trying to keep her tone balanced.

"I-I'm not dead. I'm Hollytuft; Lionblaze and Cinderheart's daughter. Not leaf. Tuft. I'm sorry."

Crowfeather said nothing as though her words weren't registering with him. His head shook and his mouth opened and closed as though he was trying to speak more but couldn't find words. She could see tears starting to sting in the corners of his eyes. Hollytuft decided this was time to go. She grabbed the scruff of her kill in her jaws and started to haul it back up the ledge, moving quickly. She glanced back and Crowfeather was still staring at her as she ducked out of sight. She was stumbling fast when she crashed into Bristlepaw, causing the apprentice to give a little yelp, and Hollytuft dropped her rabbit.

"Oh, there you are!" Bristlepaw was practically jumping up and down. "We caught a blackbird! Flippaw says it's the biggest one he's ever seen! I can't wait to get home and show it to Thriftpaw!" Her eyes flicked downwards to her aunt's rabbit. "Woah! Did you catch that?"

Hollytuft snorted. "Nope, I just happened to stumble across it, already caught and killed." The tone of her sarcasm was thrown off by a voice crack and her shaken-up body language, which seemed to confuse Bristlepaw.

"Um… alright then. Rosepetal said we did real good, and she caught something too, so I think we've to head back to camp now." The apprentice gave a little flick of her head, gesturing in the vague direction of Thunderclan camp. "You can sleep like you said you were gonna, unless Squirrelflight sends us out on something else."

"Right. Sleep." Hollytuft had lost her grumpy tiredness, but she still looked forward to being back in camp. Her pelt was itching with tension though- she doubted she could get back to sleep if she tried. Bristlepaw paid no notice to her, and Hollytuft followed the apprentice back to camp, dragging the rabbit behind.

"Mother?"

Thunderclan camp was mostly empty at the moment, so it was easy for Hollytuft to find who she was looking for. Cinderheart was lounging alone on a rock near the nursery. Although her second litter were already warriors, and there were no current plans for any more, she still seemed to enjoy being near here, as though the sight of the den was a comfort to her. Her tail twitched as Hollytuft approached her, and she lifted her head to look sleepily at her daughter. "Yes, dear? How did your hunting go earlier?"

"Good. Mum, I need to talk to you."

"You can talk to me about anything you want, love." Despite her words, Cinderheart's tone was breezy, and carried a sort of apathy to it, suggesting that this wasn't truly the time for any serious conversation. However, Hollytuft didn't have any better alternatives to speak with right now. She shut her eyes and hesitated for a second, wondering how best to bring up the conversation she wanted to have.

"Was it you or Lionblaze who decided to name me and my littermates after dead cats?"

Cinderheart froze. Her tired smile ebbed away and the fur along her spine was starting to prickle up. She tried to keep her composure as she chuckled out a response.

"...right. Okay. I knew you were going to come to me about this at some point or another."

Hollytuft stayed silent, staring at the dirt beneath her claws. Cinderheart swallowed and spoke again.

"It was a joint decision. We'd been talking about it for a while. We thought legacy-naming would be a good way to honour our clan's losses. Sorreltail was my mother. Ferncloud helped nurse your father when he was a kit, and she was a friend to everyone. As Lionblaze's sister, Hollyleaf was your aunt, and she was… very close to me as well." Cinderheart took another pause, breathing a deep sigh.

"I know that it's not fair on you. Fernsong and Sorrelstripe don't quite share the resemblance with their namesakes that you do. I see the way our clanmates act around you, Hollytuft, and your name can only really be a catalyst to that. We- we should have chosen Mousefur, or Foxleap, or even swapped your name with one of your siblings. I'm sorry that we caused this, I know cats like to draw comparisons, you look kind of like-"

"They must be right, though." Hollytuft's voice was trembling. Cinderheart stopped talking, and shot her daughter a curious look. The black molly beside her looked upwards to meet her gaze, voice breaking.

"I was hunting near the Windclan border. I ran into Crowfeather- and I know it was him- because the way he _looked at me_, I- I think he thought he saw a ghost. He probably didn't even know my name beforehand, come to think of it. I never met Hollyleaf. I don't know what she looked like, but she's all anyone ever seems to see when they look at me. If even this stranger, a cat I've never even _spoken_ to gets freaked out by me, then you named me well. I must be her spitting image."

Cinderheart was silent. There was clearly emotions conflicting within her- shock, grief, guilt, tiredness, battling to form the tone her eventual response would carry. However, Hollytuft cut in with another point, in a lowered voice.

"I… I know she killed somebody."

Hollytuft's mother looked as though she'd been slapped in the face. Her claws slid out, digging into the rock beneath her, and her body gave a great shudder.

"What? I- of course she didn't- who- who TOLD you that?"

Hollytuft gave a shrug, casting her gaze aside uncomfortably. "I… overheard dad talking about it a few moons ago. With Bramblestar and Jayfeather. They didn't say she killed Ashfur, but it was easy to piece together from the tones in their voices. I don't know for sure what went down at that river, but that wasn't an accident, was it?" Hollytuft slowly raked the frozen mud with her claws, gaze still averted from Cinderheart, but aware that her mother's eyes were boring into her. "I know you've figured it out, too. Don't worry, I haven't told anybody, and I'm not going to. I can see why you guys would keep that a secret, but that knowledge has made things a lot more uncomfortable for me, and I'm not sure if it would have been for the better or worse if I'd never found out. She's this great cat in all the stories I hear about her- a noble hero who died protecting her clanmate- but now I don't know how much I can trust. About Hollyleaf, about what happened with Ashfur, about anything. Her whole life seems to be shrouded in mystery and I'm never going to be quite sure who I'm actually named after, and that's terrifying. It's terrifying." Hollytuft gave a bitter laugh, and finally returned her gaze upwards, continuing to talk, her volume steadily rising.

"Wouldn't _you_ know about this, Cinderheart? You were named after another cat, too, _your_ aunt, the old medicine cat from before Leafpool. the one who died protecting you and your littermates. Wouldn't you understand what it's like having your Clanmates stare at you like you're a ghost? Don't you know that pressure to live up to someone who's apparently much greater and more important than you'll ever be, and you never even get to meet them or find out who they really were? And if you do understand, then why in Starclan's name did you do the same thing to your kits?"

"Shut UP!" Cinderheart's voice suddenly burst outwards in a yell, and the older cat staggered to her paws atop the rock. "Shut your mouth. You don't know _anything_ about what I went through with Cinderpelt, and you don't know _anything_ about Hollyleaf."

"Well, no SHIT I don't know anything about Hollyleaf!" Hollytuft snapped back. "That's my whole damn point!"

"Hollyleaf's spirit isn't- Hollyleaf can't be- it's not the same. There's no _way_ you and your littermates are dealing with what I did. That's not possible. Stop talking about her like this. Stop talking _now_. Leave me alone." Cinderheart sat down heavily with a sob and squeezed her eyes shut tight, as though if they were shut hard enough, she could block out the whole situation. Hollytuft felt a flare of anger in her chest, which came with a twinge of guilt- she hadn't quite wanted to make Cinderheart feel like this, and now she couldn't take back how she'd acted. Too heated to console her mother but also conscious that she'd later regret anything she said right now, she spun on her heels and set off towards the warriors den.

A few cats around camp paid mild attention to where she was going- Berrynose was shooting her a suspicious look from where he was sitting, as though he'd heard the yelling but wasn't sure what was going on anyways. As Hollytuft walked past the elders' den, however, Graystripe- who was curled up right at the entrance- took notice of her presence and gave an oblivious smile.

"Hey, Hollyleaf? I'm starving, would you mind fetching me something from th-"

"My whole life." Hollytuft murmured quietly, staring at the elder in disbelief as she cut him off. "I've been your clanmate for my whole life and you never even bothered to take the time to learn my fucking name."

Graystripe's ears flattened against his head as he watched the younger cat, aware that he'd messed up. "I'm sorry, uh- I'm getting old. My memory isn't quite what it used to be.

Hollytuft just laughed, a bitter and cold laugh, as she turned her back on the elder and shoved her way through the entrance to her den. By this point in the day it was practically empty, most of the Thunderclan warriors up and out on duties like patrols. The only two cats in the den were Thornclaw, who looked at Hollytuft funny before promptly getting up and leaving, and Molewhisker who was clearly very deep in sleep, his snoring muffled as his face pressed up against some bedding.

As Hollytuft tumbled into her den she could already feel her breath getting shakier and soon her body was wracked with sobs, her flanks trembling and her paws pressed over her face. She was there for a while- maybe ten, fifteen minutes, in the quiet of the den. She waited for a while, as her breakdown graduated from audible, unsteady whimpers to a solemn quietude, which was eventually interrupted when she heard pawsteps and an awkward shuffling as a cat pushed his head through the door.

Fernsong didn't notice that his sister was in there at first. His eyes scanned over the den, and he gave a little snort of laughter when he saw Molewhisker completely unconscious and sprawled out, but the snort turned into a little noise of confusion and recognition as he finally caught sight of his sister curled up in the moss at the den's edge. Hollytuft could hear his careful steps as he crossed over the sea of nests towards her. Giving a low sigh, she lifted a paw off of her face and shifted around a little.

Fernsong gave a little smile when his she looked up at him, but there was concern in his eyes. "Uh, hey, you okay?"

Hollytuft just sighed. "I really don't know right now. If I'm supposed to go on another patrol or something, tell Squirrelflight I'm sick."

"Oh, no no! You don't have patrol. I'm just checking up on you. I was wondering where you went after you came back from hunting, and I bumped into Berrynose and he said he'd noticed you looked upset about something." Fernsong touched his tail against her pelt. "Do you want to talk, or would you rather be alone right now?"

Hollytuft suddenly felt a flutter of joy in her chest, a relief that seemed all the greater contrasted against her frustration. _He cares about me. He doesn't see Hollyleaf when he looks at me, because he didn't know her either. He's my brother, and he'll always be there for me. I might be unremarkable in my Clanmates' eyes, but we're important to each other._

Hollytuft cleared her throat as she tried to form an answer. "Um… I'm not really sure, to be honest. There's not much to talk about, but I don't think I want to be alone."

"You don't have to be, then." Fernsong gestured towards the exit to the den with a flick of his ears. "Listen, I understand if you don't wanna come, but me and Ivypool were going to share tongues and have some fresh-kill after she comes back from the border patrol, and you're totally invited to come and hang out with us, if you want! We don't need to talk about whatever's upsetting you, but if we can take your mind off it at all, I'd love to help you out in any way I can."

"That'd be… that'd be amazing, Fernsong. I'd love to. Thank you so much." Hollytuft looked up at her sibling, eyes brimming with gratitude. "When do you think-"

"Urrrgh," came a groan from across the den, as Molewhisker finally stirred and sat up. "I miss anything? Do I have a patrol on?"

"I dunno," responded Hollytuft, and Fernsong added "Don't think so."

"A'ight." mumbled Molewhisker and he collapsed back into his bedding face-first, snoring before he even hit the ground. Fernsong burst out laughing, and Hollytuft's whiskers twitched.

"Well, if he is supposed to be on patrol, they're certainly not getting him up now."

"Anyways!" Fernsong stretched and turned to the den's exit. "I should be off. I don't know when Ivypool comes back, but it should be soon, so I'll go and wait for her. See you in about five minutes, alright?"

Hollytuft grinned. "Sure. See you in five minutes."

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**Author's Note: This is my first ever non-joke fanfiction, so apologies if it's a bit rubbish- I need a lot more practice writing in this format! I've always wanted more of a look inside the lives of more background characters in Warriors, and I've kind of grown this weird attachment to Hollytuft over the past couple months, so here we are. Please don't comment about things being out of character or contradicting canon, it's hard to keep on top of that with these books. Also, if anyone interprets the interaction between Hollytuft and Fernsong at the end as romantic, I am going to break your fucking kneecaps.**


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